Further Refrigerator Clarification

Drowsy and trudging to the kitchen in search of her breakfast, Hayley was slightly confused as she peered into the refrigerator with sleepy eyes. Filled with confusion, her heart raced. It has only been a few weeks since she mastered the "MEAT" and "VEGETABLE" drawers. Now there seems to be yet one more system to learn.
Panic stricken and unsure what to do she closed the refrigerator and moved on to the coffee maker. "Why...... why Loosh" she pleaded inside her head. The coffee pot had been moved! This changes everything. The path I walk has been increased by 6 feet! Tears welled in her eye..... 12 because I have to walk all the way to the sink. Her brow twitched..... "What if it's left dirty........ oh god why... why........... why.... that's 24 feet!"
She perseveres and like Cinderella cleans the coffee maker and starts a new pot. Suddenly an idea brimming with genius! She slowly looks to the left to see if he is awake yet. Peering cautiously into the bedroom she sees his rump peering from beneath the comforter. She sighs a quiet breath of relief and slinks back to the coffee maker to exact her wondrous scheme. "If I make the coffee really weak he'll have no energy to make the dreaded change! A small half smile emerged as she completed the deed.
"That'll fix his stupid wagon. Now what was I doing...... oh yes... breakfast!"
She moved in the direction of the refrigerator and the panic returned. She thought better of it and decided to wait until Looshzilla was awake to find out what it was she was looking at.
When he woke she swallowed hard and approached to ask the question.
"What is all this about Loosh?"
With one eye slightly more open than the other he turned in slow motion in her direction.
She feared his critical nature would flare up........
They're eggs Hayley. Good ones, bad ones, and a commemorative egg.
He moved closer to her and the open door.
She was rendered defenseless by critical energy infusing google eye once again.... she cowered.
"This one, just in case you couldn't figure it out, is the commemorative 9/11 egg. It was produced on 9/11. The next two eggs are the happy eggs. They came from our HAPPY chickens....... we should be happy that they make eggs. These others are the SAD eggs. These white lifeless substandard eggs come from the stupid grocery store from production chickens who have crappy lives. That is why they are sad eggs. Following me?"
With a fluttering eye he turned and retreated to the other room.
She peered into the refrigerator and thought to herself how he was not quite right.
She made her breakfast and waited to brace herself for the next dreaded change.

ANNUAL HUNT A SUCCESS

Hundreds of Cuban Brown Snails captured Thursday night.

"You would be amazed at how fast they can move!" exclaimed Loosh, the winner of the annual Looshland Trophy Snail Hunt. The Cuban Brown Snail has overpopulated Looshland for several years now. The management has tried several methods to reduce the numbers in the past with limited success. After much research the best control technique is the hunt.

Thursday evening under lite drizzle and darkness the hunt began. A hour and a half of constant picking yielded a record catch of around 5 pounds. Kneeling in the rain armed with thumb and forefinger, the Loosh started to hunt.

"It really is a Zen experience.... even though they don't scream loud enough to hear........ you know they're screaming on the inside" Loosh whispered as he threw his prey in the bucket..... Tink.... Tink...... Tink.

Efforts are under way to train the chickens to hunt snails. Early trials are promising despite the fact that the chickens prefer to roost when the snails are most active. However, when fed espresso beans in the evening they tend to be in for the long haul. Problems are arising as the chickens ask for a fine grind as opposed to a whole bean.

PUBLIC INVITED

The general public is invited to enter the next Snail Hunt. There will be free beer and a cash prize awarded for most snails caught. There is no cost to enter. Contact Looshland Management for more details.

FARM FRESH YO!

Just a week after returning from summer vacation the garden is planted and sprouting. It did come at the cost of a few sweaty days and a visit to the chiropractor yesterday, but well worth it. If you are a local friend you are about 75 days away from "saladpalooza o9" (invitations to follow) If you are from afar .......Sorry. So far we have planted bush beans, pole beans, white pattypan squash, dill, swiss chard(pictured above), sweet bell peppers, habaneros, jalapenos, basil, scallions, red onion, white icicle radish, beets, brussels sprouts, butter lettuce, leaf lettuce, acorn squash, summer squash, nasturtiums, and a field of sweet corn in 5 gallon buckets and a few heirloom tomato varieties. And as the next few months pass we will be planting cool weather crops.

It should also be noted that Sweet and Sour chickens are now productive egg layers and I will no longer be threatening them with four letter words like "soup"or

There are several friends visiting us this winter! If you are not one of them but would like to be and you are sure that we like you a lot..... a real lot. Then let us know. We spend all year with each other and it gets really old. So we love guests. We are a mile from the beach and have a great secluded spot with water views to hang out at. So come and enjoy! Mi casa su casa mu chacho!

Mandatory Almond Pasteurization is WRONG!!!

Mandatory Almond Pasteurization is WRONG!!!

TCPGA & HEALTH CARE REFORM SUMMIT

TCPGA's leader on a three day cross country trip promoting the TCPGA's Health Care Reform plan.

In a meeting in Washington, DC Wednesday, Lucien sent a clear message to Americans. "It's not just about potatoes now.... It's about saving the world with our spare trash cans and potatoes!" Cheers filled his head. "The time is now for us to take up old potatoes and help our brothers in need. The time is now for equality for almost everyone. I will show you the way to change my fellow Americans!"

The TCPGA's plan is as follows. Every household in America will receive a modest tax credit for the purchase of a can. Then each family commits to growing a minimum of one crop from their own seed stock. The crop is then dropped off at a central collection site and shipped to fast food processing plants around the country where a fair market price is given for them. The profits are then appointed to a subsidized health care system.

An average of 115 million households in the US, all of which could produce 5 lbs of potatoes each, would produce about 575 million pounds of potatoes. With an average farm price of US$6.00 per hundredweight (official term for one hundred pounds) this would net in the area of US$34.5 million. Take away 10% for logistics and regulation and that's a lot of money.

"This is the way America....... the way to a better America" cried an overjoyed Lucien in front of the capitol on Wednesday.

Official "TCPGA BOUGHT MY NEW LUNG" and "POTATOES FOR MAMMOGRAMS" bumper stickers will soon be available for purchase.

SYNCRONIZED BOVINE SWIMMING AND OTHER OBSERVATIONS

Today I saw cows swimming together in harmony for the first time. Thirty two long years have passed. I am from the cooler climate of New England where cows are content to stand in fields. I have never seen a cow at the ocean or at the lake taking a dip. Maybe the slow southern mentality has made for some really laidback cows that actually enjoy the finer things in life. They don't need to eat feverishly all summer to make it thru the toils of winter. Instead they relax in the pool and get thier "milk on" in a much more relaxed manner. No city cows here. Could they be having "Teet Hydrotherapy". After long hours of milking, they soak thier milkbags in the refreshing waters of a roadside pasture spa. Did I catch them doing something forbidden..... they all are looking at me in a concerned manner. After alot of speculation I have no real answers.

A small note to all Facebook Farmers: Are your farms Organic? Do you practice Fair Trade? Do you respect the rights of your cheap farm labor? We are watching you. Seriously.

A special note to drunken beaners on bikes at night in the middle of 50 mph traffic...... No Bueno Mu Chacho...... No Bueno. The only things that saved you from being refried was a good set of antilock brakes, Hayleys squeal of fear, and my stellar beaner missing skills.

PROSTETIC WORMS

As Easter and Jerk chickens continue to show signs of becoming normal chickens at here at the IBC(Institute of Better Chickens), as new and exciting technologies are being employed every day.

"Here in South Florida we lack good worms. And we all should be aware of the need for good worms for the emotional health of our chickens. Our cutting edge research has determined that each chickens need at least four worms a day to be Happy Chickens" stated the head of the IBC.

Head Chicken Behavioralist, Loosh, has designed a groundbreaking new therapy for his flock. On Wednesday he rolled out the "Prostetic Worm". By creating nutritious and delicious "worms" he is able to keep his flock balanced and in a zen like egg laying state.

The "Prostetic Worm" will be made available to the public after the more testing has been done to ensure it's safety in the marketplace.

Monster pumpkins unleashed

Four weeks after planting the "Prizewinner" pumpkin seeds, we are off to a good start. We are hoping for a hundred pounder. We want to make the biggest batch of soup ever. I wonder if the seeds grow large and wonderful? Thats all I got today.

Compost...... the new clown

I used to enjoy stuffing clowns (AKA drunken friends) into a car to see just how many I could fit. But as I mature and become a man, I have not lost my love or skill for stuffing. There are unbridled amounts of joy in stuffing a nice box, or a chicken. I sometimes like to stuff my own bags at the grocery. Our garage is a prime example of my stuffing skills.
But I am very proud to share with you all my best stuffing job of 2009.
Our 4-runner shown above, is loaded with several yards of compost. Hot and earthy goodness. Just crying to be turned over and planted. After a questionable experience with my friend Michael's hillbilly flatbed, I decided to seek an alternate means of compost transport. A canvas tarp for protection and $20 at the car wash (including a big tip for the vacuum girl) I have found that thinking outside the box will always pay off.
The garden is a few weeks from completion. There will be a post loaded with pics when it is complete.

Equiptment upgrades

Yes indeed.... the eyes have it. That is a brand new pitchfork I am holding. This is a proud moment in history.... mine anyway. When you grow up and get your own fork, then you will understand.

Now when there is mulch to toss and compost to turn.... I will be prepared. No more will I toil with a mishapen tool not meant for the task at hand. I now have the power that few can appreciate.

You may be saying to yourself..... "self.... why is he so happy about a garden tool? I wish he would just show us those sweet melons again.... stupid blog."

To those of you that know me well, you are used to this. I am often excited about things most people find to not be worthy of second thought. Or things which I waste my time on when I can buy it at the store.

Well friends, the end of the civilized world could crash down at any given moment. It will be at that point that you should seek out those with pitchforks and chickens and follow. We will be there with our eggs and vegetables to help. I cannot confirm that there won't be an "I told you so" waiting, but we will have eggs and trash can skills to sooth you bruised egos.

In other news there has been alot of interest in the TCPGA. While waiting for the annual membership drive, you should find a nice can and dig out those spuds that are in the pantry from the last time your mom bought you groceries. We will post a photo journal in a few weeks.

Potato Crops DOWN!

This is the newest yield of "trash can potatoes". "Potato yield is 50% of what it was..... we might have to give up the farm" stated a teary eyed Loosh at the TCPGA annual meeting Wednesday. For those of you who are unaware, the TCPGA (Trash can potato growers association) is an organization that promotes and supports the continuing efforts of trash can agriculture. The organization is always seeking new members. Currently the association is 1 member strong.

After the meeting, Loosh had renewed hope for the future of his trash can farm. "This season we will be planting purple fingerling potatoes. This will allow me to feel better. I mean who doesn't love a purple potato! In fact ask Obama.... I hear he has some in the White House garden. We will overcome this tragedy..... we will turn this around." A single hand clap from the associations only member could be heard in the open air meeting.

Record winning melon

Just a few days after our melon was posted, the good watermelon vine has been making an unbelievible effort. The single melon has doubled in size every day. Scientists warn that at the current rate of growth, it could block out the sun in a few short weeks.

Lucien was quoted as saying " Screw the world.....no one....and I do mean no one is to touch my melon!" Govornment officials have been warned of the dangers by the scientific community but has fallen on deaf ears in Washington.

Stay tuned to Our Family Blog for more on the effects of "melontastrophe 2009"

Watermelons take over!

Several months of training our very happy watermelon vine has finally paid off! The vine formerly known as a "good for nothing weed" has been renamed "good watermelon vine". Monday morning after several failed attemts to set a good fruit, the good watermelon vine has produced a soon to be prize winning fruit. Look at those markings! A tear slowly welled in my eye as I thought about drilling a small hole and pouring in cheap vodka. "This is truly the wonder of nature. It amazes me that this melon has the lifegiving power to turn the cheapest vodka into smooth melon scented goodness!" Loosh thought to himself. That is a feat better than turning water into wine........ Maybe the good watermelon vine is actually Jesus's brainchild. All theology aside, we are very proud of the good watermelon vine for it's tenatious efforts over the last few weeks. We will continue to report on it's progress in the future.

New "Wonder Tea"

On every third and 14th Monday here at Our Family Blog we share ...

"RECIPES FROM THE YARD"

Today we bring you JAMAICA TEA

Jamaica (pronounced ya-mike-a) is the dried sheath of the Hibiscus flower. It is common to find them in Mexican and Carribean stores in your local barrio. While your there pick up some pure sugar cane........It's not code and don't ask Jesus the friendly mexican clerk or you could get more than you bargained for. It is a dark brown block and hard as a rock. If youhave a hibiscus tree you can hang the flowers to dry in a breezy area. Boil some water (6 cups) and add 4-5 tablespoons of the sugar cane to it. Toss in 10-12 dried sheaths and a pinch of sea salt. Let it roll hard untill the sugar cane breaks up and disolves. Chill well and pour over ice. Think to yourself "Beuno" and enjoy. We like to throw in a little fresh ginger or a sprig of basil. The occasional pimento berry (Allspice) finds it's way in too. It is a little earthy but you'll love it.

Look forward to an introduction to Yerba Mate......."WHOOOOOOOOA! This Stuff will Boogie woogie on your lazy brain!!!!!

Potato menace caught and jailed

For days leaves from our trash can potatoes have been vanishing. The garden crime investigation team worked hard with no possible leads for hours. The snails were questioned and released ...... kind of ..... into the fish pond. With no outward signs of wilt or wierd flies sucking on the leaves the file was placed into the cold file.

Sunday after a heartfelt plea from the vegetable community with support from the ornamentals and common herb coalition, the case was reopened.

Later that evening by chance the investigator on duty recieved a tip from a street onion speaking some serious chive. The onion was passing by the can when he heard the cries coming from within.

He hurried to his cousin Leeks mound and called in the tip.

Lead investigator Loosh rushed to the scene where he found the criminal and arrested and jailed him.

The Catapillar is being held in a glass jar with no bail set at this time.

All A's

Today was the Last day of second grade for Isaiah. And we are happy to report a perfect report card.

And with that Isaiah goes to Plant City for six weeks.

Have fun on your vacation Isaiah... We all will miss you and be happily waiting for your return!

Love,

Loosh, Mom, Bella, Disco Cat, Easter, Jerk, Sweet and Sour.

SECRET DOUBLE LIFE OF CHICKEN FARMER REVEALED

At first you may say to yourself....Tina Turner is looking great these days. But after careful examination strange things may start to materialize. Why is Tina in a friendly embrace with wonder woman.....is wonder woman real? Did Tina have her lips done? She looks strangly familiar.........Hmmmm.........



























Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Your suspicions about Lucien are true. And this is all the proof that you need. How far did he go to fleece us all? Is he still living a double life that none of us know about.....Could there be an Ike to this Tina? Or has Lucien redirected all his miguided energy into becoming the chicken farming, vegetable growing, fun loving, much smaller, family man we have all come to know and love? Or could it be that he still longs to play private dancer but knows that without the vivacious backside he once had , all is lost.



Should there be a support group for his loved ones?



So many questions and yet so few answers.

Cheerios BEWARE

SOOOON MY PRETTYS........SOON

The bananas over the pond are about to ripen and we have cheerios and milk waiting close by.

Jealous? I would be. Not everyone has bananas. Some of us are bananas. Local laws don't allow us to keep monkeys but I still think it would make the whole experience of growing your own bananas more authentic. So for now Isaiah will fill in for said monkeys.

BEARDED MAN AND GUINEA FOWL...UNLIKELY PAIR

As my beard grows, so does the bond between sweet and I. As head chicken in "Looshland" it is my responsibility to serve and protect all inhabitants within. After several major altercations between Easter and Sweet were broken up by the head chicken (me), management at Loosland have decided to seperate the guineas and the americaunas for at least several weeks until the guineas work on thier pecking skills. Construction plans are complete for a second roosting house. There will be a shared run and supervised "meet and greets" with the head chicken. Constuction will begin Thursday after I return from the Isle of Misfit Toys also known as "work". Paint schemes are still being discussed amoung the guineas who are happy to be moving out of thier temporary tomato box.

COMING SOON: Bananas are almost ready.....Cheerios beware!

Summer........TBD

"The dog days of summer. I remember it like it was last summer. Spending long days cooking pork butts on an open fire and cool nights in the "Olympic Cottage" with 3 million of our closest bug friends. Good times indeed."

Summer is coming soon. Well summer has been here for some time. This year we will not spend the entire summer in Maine. Hayley is in school and she does not believe me that the chickens and dog will keep her company like I do. I will be coming up for ten days on the 7th. And as we get a little closer we may all come for a few weeks at the end of July into August.

Bella is an official dog in Sarasota county and she can't give rabies to anyone as of today. She recieved her last round of shots today and got her shiny new tag. Her microchip was tested and off she went. She is getting bigger and is still a good dog 90% of the time. Which I see as a really good percentage. She started a antihistamine treatment today for her itchy skin. She insists it is the "mangy cat" that causes her to itch. And since the cat causes me to wake up at five in the morning, I am inclined to agree with her. Two strikes Orange Cat.............

Isaiah is in the home stretch nearing the end of 2nd grade. With no homework to haggle over and the end in arms reach, we have gone about our days this week with a little more Wii time and a few more episodes of i-carley. I don't see the big deal but I was sweet on Punky Brewster back in the day......so we'll let it ride. Which brings me to another interesting thought. Nickelodeon in my point of view has some less than stellar programs for kids. There is making out and relationships and dating and on and on. I don't want to answer these questions until 4th grade.....maybe 5th. I don't feel like thats going to work out that well for me. But I was remembering how the world had become a bad place when Ren and Stimpy were around. I guess that was a really long time ago.

Hayley is at work making the bacon so to speak. I was at work today actually making the bacon, for sandwiches that is. Interesting when you think about it. I love bacon...all bacon. No discrimination here. EOBE (equil opportunity bacon employer)

Hello Friend!

We have chosen for you to recieve an email when we post to our family blog. What a lucky egg you are! If you don't wish to recieve pesky emails like this then let me know. I won't be mad forever........just a week or so. Click on the blue link at the bottom of this email that says "lucienhayleyisaiah" and you will be transported to a special place!

Coop upgrades complete

Just days after the addition of "Sweet and Sour" chickens to our flock nessasary upgrades have been completed! The new addition of the "sky bar " are complete. The Sky bar is a state of the art eating and drinking establishment. It is connected to the chicky hut with a sleek new sky walk. Other features include a new rope swing and real branch roosts fashioned from local trees for a home like feel. The final and most exciting addition was a new dust bath area for the girls. Easter and Jerk need the theraputic bath to help them regrow the feathers they lost before they were adopted. They were the bottom of the pecking order in a flock of 50. Which means that you have 48 other chicks plucking your tail feathers all day long. They have managed to grow a little fluff on thier backsides so far. However, their egg production is up despite thier less than stellar appearance.

Other interesting things:

Isaiah will have his last day of school and leave for Plant City on Friday to spend six weeks with his Daddy.

Lucien leaves for a 10 day trip to Maine and New hampshire on Sunday the 7th.

Hayley, Bella, Easter, Jerk, Sweet, Sour and Orange cat will enjoy peace and quiet for a few days.

The water inside a green coconut is completly sterile and can be used as IV fluid.

The Annual Snail war has begun as a result of a rainy week. Thousands of snails devistate our yard each year. With the help of modern tools such as kosher salt and cheap beer traps we are able to keep the damage to a minimum. Bella also helps by eating snails. Losses so far this year are as follows: 1 Lemon basil plant, 1 complete bed of mini sunflowers, Lillys are all filled with holes, 6-8 Strawberries. Some succulents. I am still yet to understand why they don't care for weeds. If they did we would get along well. I wish that I could get thru to them, but I am no snail whisperer.

Until next time....Enjoy!

WELCOME "Sweet and Sour" Chickens

I would like to introduce the newest members of our "urban homestead" as I like to call it. These are some kind of guinea fowl that are brown egg layers. They kind of look like velociraptors to me. Isaiah and I ganged up on Hayley and the next thing you know we have four chickens. Our current flock of two (Easter-a cranky old girl that lays light blue eggs and Jerk-a Rhode Island red with no tailfeathers that lays brown eggs) are not as happy about the new addition. But they are not happy about anything but bugs and chicken scratch.

We get about a dozen eggs a week from the two old girls. Sweet and Sour should start laying in about ten weeks.

These chickens have been a good fit for us. I clean them and feed them and Hayley and Isaiah eat fresh eggs! I think they get the better deal. They contribute in their own special way to our compost bin and help to grow the vegetables and herbs all around the yard. They also help by eating kitchen scrap.

Welcome Friends,

We have been threatening to keep in touch for years now. Here is our very own blog. I still don't know what BLOG really stands for! But I hear it is all the rage in developed countries these days.

I figured in my first post I would include a simple photo taken on Boca Grande. That is the Island that I work on for those of you who have been off the christmas card list for a little too long.

This also represents why I have chosen to Live here. Some of you may wonder why looking at this every day never gets old.......I cannot begin to explain to you the overwhelming joy I take in not having to see snow unless I'm on vacation. There will be a steady flow of information to get you all caught up. Stay tuned!