Further Refrigerator Clarification

Drowsy and trudging to the kitchen in search of her breakfast, Hayley was slightly confused as she peered into the refrigerator with sleepy eyes. Filled with confusion, her heart raced. It has only been a few weeks since she mastered the "MEAT" and "VEGETABLE" drawers. Now there seems to be yet one more system to learn.
Panic stricken and unsure what to do she closed the refrigerator and moved on to the coffee maker. "Why...... why Loosh" she pleaded inside her head. The coffee pot had been moved! This changes everything. The path I walk has been increased by 6 feet! Tears welled in her eye..... 12 because I have to walk all the way to the sink. Her brow twitched..... "What if it's left dirty........ oh god why... why........... why.... that's 24 feet!"
She perseveres and like Cinderella cleans the coffee maker and starts a new pot. Suddenly an idea brimming with genius! She slowly looks to the left to see if he is awake yet. Peering cautiously into the bedroom she sees his rump peering from beneath the comforter. She sighs a quiet breath of relief and slinks back to the coffee maker to exact her wondrous scheme. "If I make the coffee really weak he'll have no energy to make the dreaded change! A small half smile emerged as she completed the deed.
"That'll fix his stupid wagon. Now what was I doing...... oh yes... breakfast!"
She moved in the direction of the refrigerator and the panic returned. She thought better of it and decided to wait until Looshzilla was awake to find out what it was she was looking at.
When he woke she swallowed hard and approached to ask the question.
"What is all this about Loosh?"
With one eye slightly more open than the other he turned in slow motion in her direction.
She feared his critical nature would flare up........
They're eggs Hayley. Good ones, bad ones, and a commemorative egg.
He moved closer to her and the open door.
She was rendered defenseless by critical energy infusing google eye once again.... she cowered.
"This one, just in case you couldn't figure it out, is the commemorative 9/11 egg. It was produced on 9/11. The next two eggs are the happy eggs. They came from our HAPPY chickens....... we should be happy that they make eggs. These others are the SAD eggs. These white lifeless substandard eggs come from the stupid grocery store from production chickens who have crappy lives. That is why they are sad eggs. Following me?"
With a fluttering eye he turned and retreated to the other room.
She peered into the refrigerator and thought to herself how he was not quite right.
She made her breakfast and waited to brace herself for the next dreaded change.

ANNUAL HUNT A SUCCESS

Hundreds of Cuban Brown Snails captured Thursday night.

"You would be amazed at how fast they can move!" exclaimed Loosh, the winner of the annual Looshland Trophy Snail Hunt. The Cuban Brown Snail has overpopulated Looshland for several years now. The management has tried several methods to reduce the numbers in the past with limited success. After much research the best control technique is the hunt.

Thursday evening under lite drizzle and darkness the hunt began. A hour and a half of constant picking yielded a record catch of around 5 pounds. Kneeling in the rain armed with thumb and forefinger, the Loosh started to hunt.

"It really is a Zen experience.... even though they don't scream loud enough to hear........ you know they're screaming on the inside" Loosh whispered as he threw his prey in the bucket..... Tink.... Tink...... Tink.

Efforts are under way to train the chickens to hunt snails. Early trials are promising despite the fact that the chickens prefer to roost when the snails are most active. However, when fed espresso beans in the evening they tend to be in for the long haul. Problems are arising as the chickens ask for a fine grind as opposed to a whole bean.

PUBLIC INVITED

The general public is invited to enter the next Snail Hunt. There will be free beer and a cash prize awarded for most snails caught. There is no cost to enter. Contact Looshland Management for more details.

FARM FRESH YO!

Just a week after returning from summer vacation the garden is planted and sprouting. It did come at the cost of a few sweaty days and a visit to the chiropractor yesterday, but well worth it. If you are a local friend you are about 75 days away from "saladpalooza o9" (invitations to follow) If you are from afar .......Sorry. So far we have planted bush beans, pole beans, white pattypan squash, dill, swiss chard(pictured above), sweet bell peppers, habaneros, jalapenos, basil, scallions, red onion, white icicle radish, beets, brussels sprouts, butter lettuce, leaf lettuce, acorn squash, summer squash, nasturtiums, and a field of sweet corn in 5 gallon buckets and a few heirloom tomato varieties. And as the next few months pass we will be planting cool weather crops.

It should also be noted that Sweet and Sour chickens are now productive egg layers and I will no longer be threatening them with four letter words like "soup"or

There are several friends visiting us this winter! If you are not one of them but would like to be and you are sure that we like you a lot..... a real lot. Then let us know. We spend all year with each other and it gets really old. So we love guests. We are a mile from the beach and have a great secluded spot with water views to hang out at. So come and enjoy! Mi casa su casa mu chacho!

Mandatory Almond Pasteurization is WRONG!!!

Mandatory Almond Pasteurization is WRONG!!!

TCPGA & HEALTH CARE REFORM SUMMIT

TCPGA's leader on a three day cross country trip promoting the TCPGA's Health Care Reform plan.

In a meeting in Washington, DC Wednesday, Lucien sent a clear message to Americans. "It's not just about potatoes now.... It's about saving the world with our spare trash cans and potatoes!" Cheers filled his head. "The time is now for us to take up old potatoes and help our brothers in need. The time is now for equality for almost everyone. I will show you the way to change my fellow Americans!"

The TCPGA's plan is as follows. Every household in America will receive a modest tax credit for the purchase of a can. Then each family commits to growing a minimum of one crop from their own seed stock. The crop is then dropped off at a central collection site and shipped to fast food processing plants around the country where a fair market price is given for them. The profits are then appointed to a subsidized health care system.

An average of 115 million households in the US, all of which could produce 5 lbs of potatoes each, would produce about 575 million pounds of potatoes. With an average farm price of US$6.00 per hundredweight (official term for one hundred pounds) this would net in the area of US$34.5 million. Take away 10% for logistics and regulation and that's a lot of money.

"This is the way America....... the way to a better America" cried an overjoyed Lucien in front of the capitol on Wednesday.

Official "TCPGA BOUGHT MY NEW LUNG" and "POTATOES FOR MAMMOGRAMS" bumper stickers will soon be available for purchase.

SYNCRONIZED BOVINE SWIMMING AND OTHER OBSERVATIONS

Today I saw cows swimming together in harmony for the first time. Thirty two long years have passed. I am from the cooler climate of New England where cows are content to stand in fields. I have never seen a cow at the ocean or at the lake taking a dip. Maybe the slow southern mentality has made for some really laidback cows that actually enjoy the finer things in life. They don't need to eat feverishly all summer to make it thru the toils of winter. Instead they relax in the pool and get thier "milk on" in a much more relaxed manner. No city cows here. Could they be having "Teet Hydrotherapy". After long hours of milking, they soak thier milkbags in the refreshing waters of a roadside pasture spa. Did I catch them doing something forbidden..... they all are looking at me in a concerned manner. After alot of speculation I have no real answers.

A small note to all Facebook Farmers: Are your farms Organic? Do you practice Fair Trade? Do you respect the rights of your cheap farm labor? We are watching you. Seriously.

A special note to drunken beaners on bikes at night in the middle of 50 mph traffic...... No Bueno Mu Chacho...... No Bueno. The only things that saved you from being refried was a good set of antilock brakes, Hayleys squeal of fear, and my stellar beaner missing skills.

PROSTETIC WORMS

As Easter and Jerk chickens continue to show signs of becoming normal chickens at here at the IBC(Institute of Better Chickens), as new and exciting technologies are being employed every day.

"Here in South Florida we lack good worms. And we all should be aware of the need for good worms for the emotional health of our chickens. Our cutting edge research has determined that each chickens need at least four worms a day to be Happy Chickens" stated the head of the IBC.

Head Chicken Behavioralist, Loosh, has designed a groundbreaking new therapy for his flock. On Wednesday he rolled out the "Prostetic Worm". By creating nutritious and delicious "worms" he is able to keep his flock balanced and in a zen like egg laying state.

The "Prostetic Worm" will be made available to the public after the more testing has been done to ensure it's safety in the marketplace.